Recently single? It’s never easy breaking up with someone. Whether you’re the dumper or the dumpee there’s feelings of loss, anger, resentment and inadequacy, it’s an emotional cocktail we drink daily.
After becoming single you find all of your friends and family want to look after you, but all you need to do is ride it out. Depending on how experienced you are, break ups really aren’t that bad. Nothing feels as bad as your first break up, it gets easier each time and you learn so much about yourself along the way.
Speaking from experience, here are a few things I’ve learned (and am learning) about being single:
Life is not quantified by your relationship status.
A person’s relationship status has no bearing on their life success. I never aspired to be a wife. I aspired to be a university graduate, a published writer, a decent and kind person, an intellectual, a hard worker and a strong woman, financially, physically and mentally.
Quantify your life by the goals you set outside of your relationship, be they big or small. A relationship will happen in due course alongside of this, not in spite of or instead of this.
Being alone and being lonely is not the same thing.
It’s weird to think of yourself as being alone, especially after being or having a ‘plus one’ for so long, but you are alone, and that’s really not a bad thing. Yes, sometimes, mainly at night when your snuggle buddy is no longer there the feeling of being alone creeps up on you, but it is far from being lonely.
Since ‘being alone’ I’ve been busier than I have been in the last year. I may not have a boyfriend at the moment but I am far from being lonely and that’s a distinction you need to make early on.
If you are feeling a little lonely there’s a million ways to meet people now. Join a meet up group, take up a new hobby or learn a language, trust me you won’t have time to be lonely.
Girlfriends are a god send.
Thank god for girlfriends, right? Whether they’re dolling you up for a night out or listening to the same rant for the 10 billionth time, having your girlfriends around you after a break up is what keeps you sane in all of the craziness.
Remember that when you’re back on top and better than ever. Shout out to my girlfriends here and abroad, I owe you all a spa day!
It’s in the past, leave it there.
Reflecting on your relationship is not only a positive thing, it’s a must. But please, please don’t spend too much time on what went wrong, what could have been different, what it would be like if you were still together etc, etc, etc. It’s time consuming, destructive and exhausting to your mental state. Look back on your relationship and think about what made you happy in it, what you would take into the next relationship and what you would like to work on.
You can’t change someone else’s mind and you shouldn’t want to. The next one will be better, so look to the future instead of dwelling on the past.
Your ex isn’t God…but he isn’t the devil either.
So, depending on what stage you’re at in your break up you may currently be worshipping the ground your ex walked on – ‘wasn’t he just the best thing that ever happened?’, or, you may be secretly fantasizing about all the ways in which he could freakishly die in a horrific accident, no? too far?
Anyway, the point is to realize that despite whatever good things or bad things happened within your relationship, whatever he/she did or didn’t do bears no relevance on where you’re at now. Chris Hemsworth…now he’s a God. If Chris Hemsworth asks you out you may worship him in all his godlike glory – but not your ex.
Focus on loving yourself, not someone else.
We’ve heard this one a million times; no one will love you until you love yourself. I don’t care too much right now about finding my next love, I’m focusing on my current love, and it’s me!
Take this time to really focus on the biggest relationship you’ll ever have, the one you’ve been in all along – no other relationship will be as rewarding, as positive and as happy as the one you can have with yourself.
You won’t be single forever and even if you are, so what?
A recent study I read said that women who are single after 35 are usually highly intelligent females who provide for themselves financially and emotionally and are single because they are choosier with whom they want to spend their lives with, they’re looking for a partner, not a crutch.
Enjoy being single, enjoy being picky. When you do settle into a new relationship it will be a fulfilling one.
Every break up has a winner.
This one may seem petty but it’s true. Getting dumped does not mean you lost the relationship game, however your behavior afterwards just might. Don’t drunken text. Don’t beg for them back. Don’t date their friends to make them jealous. Don’t do any of that silly stuff that you think will a) get them back, or b) make them realize what they’re missing – they know what they’re missing, they had it and didn’t want it, harsh but true. The true winner in a break up is the one that moves on with life in an amicable and mature manner, you don’t want to have any cringe moments when you look back on this in 6 months!
There are eligible bachelors EVERYWHERE and not just on the Internet.
I swear for women in relationships we have blinders on. Men had all but disappeared from my radar…until 2 days after I got dumped.
There are literally guys everywhere, like EVERYWHERE! At my local coffee shop. On the train. At the park where I walk my dog. At the gym. My housemate’s sister’s husband’s brother, yep, EVERYWHERE.
But not on Tinder. Yes, some people have found true love on Tinder and will no doubt live happily ever after but scouring the internet for your next bit is so unromantic…and ladies (and gentlemen) we deserve romance!
Guys love it when you make the first move.
So, when your radar turns on again and you spot a cute guy on the street, go for it. I’d never asked a guy out in my life until recently and it was the single scariest thing ever. Since then I’ve asked out 4 guys and gotten 4 dates, including a nice looking chap at the lights the other day who passed his number through my car window…get it ladies.
Being single’s so much fun! And there’s no one to judge me every time the mail man delivers my online shopping haul, which is often.